When I grow up!

If you were you ask me when I was little, what I want to be when I grow up, you would have heard an array of answers, 

1. I want to be Red Cross volunteer
2. I want to a a doctor
3. I want to be a pilot
4. I want to be CEO of company

Actually there is no end to it. Some I really aspired to become & some are just fantasy. Every now & then, I still question myself, what I want to be? Strangely, my mind seem to have taken an 180 degree turn. Now when I get this question, all I want to be is "nobody". An absolute nobody. I might step up quite a few ladders in professional life but then is that what is going to make me happy? Is helping people going to make me happy? Is it feeling I can do anything & people know it is going to make me happy. No. Hmmm.  

I just want to roam around the world, I just want to feel the fresh morning air with a strong coffee, I just want to do nothing & still be content with it. What exactly is the difference? Difference is that all the above I do for myself, I am the only one validating my life as how successful I am, how good I am. I can still do things like helping people, but then no one needs to know, no one needs to tell me I am a good person for doing so. I'll know & that's enough. Same would be with profession, now I may not care much as who thinks how good I am at work as long as I have done it to my heart's content and I am totally satisfied it. Again, I set expectations & not some one else, for me. I know what I can do & what I cant, more importantly I'll know whether I want to do it and whether I will. Choices, such powerful tools to make you lead the life you want to be, not what is expected out of you or what you are capable of. There is a huge of difference between whether I can do to whether I want to do. When I die, I'll be the only one to appraise whether I did all that I wanted, no ratings, no promotions, no hikes, no people telling what are their expectations about you and whether you fulfilled it.

So, what I want to  be when I grow up. Nobody. Bliss! 

(Few years later) Btw, who's she that died? Don't know but sure a happy smiley soul. No doubt she will become a ghost & travel around the world for free. Super bliss!