When I grow up!

If you were you ask me when I was little, what I want to be when I grow up, you would have heard an array of answers, 

1. I want to be Red Cross volunteer
2. I want to a a doctor
3. I want to be a pilot
4. I want to be CEO of company

Actually there is no end to it. Some I really aspired to become & some are just fantasy. Every now & then, I still question myself, what I want to be? Strangely, my mind seem to have taken an 180 degree turn. Now when I get this question, all I want to be is "nobody". An absolute nobody. I might step up quite a few ladders in professional life but then is that what is going to make me happy? Is helping people going to make me happy? Is it feeling I can do anything & people know it is going to make me happy. No. Hmmm.  

I just want to roam around the world, I just want to feel the fresh morning air with a strong coffee, I just want to do nothing & still be content with it. What exactly is the difference? Difference is that all the above I do for myself, I am the only one validating my life as how successful I am, how good I am. I can still do things like helping people, but then no one needs to know, no one needs to tell me I am a good person for doing so. I'll know & that's enough. Same would be with profession, now I may not care much as who thinks how good I am at work as long as I have done it to my heart's content and I am totally satisfied it. Again, I set expectations & not some one else, for me. I know what I can do & what I cant, more importantly I'll know whether I want to do it and whether I will. Choices, such powerful tools to make you lead the life you want to be, not what is expected out of you or what you are capable of. There is a huge of difference between whether I can do to whether I want to do. When I die, I'll be the only one to appraise whether I did all that I wanted, no ratings, no promotions, no hikes, no people telling what are their expectations about you and whether you fulfilled it.

So, what I want to  be when I grow up. Nobody. Bliss! 

(Few years later) Btw, who's she that died? Don't know but sure a happy smiley soul. No doubt she will become a ghost & travel around the world for free. Super bliss!

Angry (Online) Indians

You pick any online newspaper or a magazine these days, you'll notice one sure shot thing under comments. That people are always on an edge & just need a small window of opportunity to vent that rage over someone totally stranger. There is also a pattern. In Rediff, the war of words end up as a war between India Vs Pakistan, irrespective of whether the content being a movie review, an interview, a fun article or a news item. In Firstpost, its Modi Vs Congress. In Open, author always being an idiot for any column, In Times of India, I better not say :-)

If you pay close attention, majority of the times, none of these commenters, have any knowledge of the subject nor they want to understand the viewpoint of the author or fellow commenters. But they sure jump into humiliating authors, fellow commenters, a nation, a sect, a gender.... Poor things, these authors are. Before getting a 'good article' comment, first thing they get these days are "Are you insane", "Are you Idiot", "Author is a useless piece of shit" etc. I wonder sometimes, how do they feel? A solid good content with proper research and a good intent posted on net, receiving so much of negative sentiments!!

Who are these people by the way, who get so much time to comment on everything? May be someone in good IT jobs, access to free internet and less work load or those people who are loaded with work, under-appreciated, under-paid pouring those frustrations out in a comment, with a fake identity. So sure, that no one will come out of that laptop to slap them!!!  There has been so much of talks about online freedom. Definitely, that's a must for a developing country where people express themselves, bring out ideas, reform people, voice against the atrocities and be one Voice. But how much of that is happening? People are busy enjoying thrashing everyone & everything. Some comments are so disgusting that such people & such comments should be outright deleted. After a few years, it will be equally daunting to enter into online lanes, just as these days to venture on roads alone. There will always be somebody jumping on you, to shout profanities, to provoke people, to verbally abuse and insult. Rage has a strange attribute, when one person is angry and starts yelling, there are hundreds who get provoked to join the battle and create unnecessary havoc. In this case whether total unprecedented internet freedom or some sensible moderation? A tough choice!!